Arrival: Paradigm Shift

Two relatively uneventful Lufthansa flights, three airplane meals, a slice of terrible greasy pizza and a hostel check-in later, I’m feeling infinitely more relaxed than when you all last saw me. Sure, I just took my first shower in days. Sure, I haven’t slept since Thursday. And sure, I’ve already exceeded the appropriate amount of Viennese Melanges one should have in a Eurotrip, but look how much I care. I’m off my feet at the moment, which is allowing for the sinking-in of shock and sore I’ve been ignoring all day.

In preparation, it didn’t seem like this day would come so soon (or at all). The day I return to Prague. Confident that I could remember every twist and turn on the winding, labyrinthine streets of the city, I disdained guidebooks and maps, and only upon departure did I start to question that decision. Yet strangely enough, I find myself padding the cobbled streets of this city with speed and purpose, anticipating what comes around each corner. It’s become intuitive. Like Philadelphia.

Is Prague like Philadelphia?

In my wanderings today (wandering is all I ever care to do…), I spent a lot of time mulling over the significance of Prague. What it is to me, what it means to me. It’s always been this “dream” city. It hovers a few inches above reality, intangible and unattainable. Two years ago, even when immersed in the nitty-gritty of Prague, it remained a fantasy, like a loose balloon, threatening to drift away.

Mala Strana: Inside the castle walls.

And now I’m traversing it with speed and precision, and getting fed up with other pedestrians. Quite like I do in towns I inhabit. I am hyper-aware of the force my heels bring down upon the cobblestones. It’s not that the balloon has popped, but something in me is holding onto the concrete more than ever.

Of course, I’ve changed. I’m about to be thrown headfirst into the waters of “real life” without a vest or a raft. Everything is in flux and slipping away from me. It makes sense that something like Prague should start to float back down. I met a girl in my program tonight who works as a dramaturg in Philadelphia. Tiny world. She just moved out of her apartment and bought a one-way ticket.

Could I live here?

That’s the shift that’s happening. I’ve gone from an open-minded, open-hearted, world-is-my-oyster mentality (acceptable for a college sophomore) to the mindset of a panicked graduate looking for eternity under every rock.

Remember, Laurel, Prague is not a rock. Prague is your heart.

Maybe I am getting to a place where I believe I could live here. Maybe I could. But maybe all day I’ve been seeing the faces of Philadelphia people. Maybe I keep thinking I see Jacob Merinar whiz past me on a Segway (yeah, really). Maybe I keep hearing Dan Toll’s laugh. Maybe I thought Tyler Smith was on the poster for a rock concert. Funny how I’ve so suddenly started to miss and ache for and love that stupid town?

So this is a visit that feels a little bit like a homecoming, but tinged with a little melancholy. Maybe that’s just the rain.

I feel like tomorrow I will feel free. Now it is time to (finally) get some rest. I will see you all soon. Miss and love you.